This is just about one of the sweetest video I've ever seen.

Live Lip-Dub Proposal

Really makes me wonder if someone will ever make the effort to do something like this for me. #foreveralone

I want to scream. I want to fucking cry.

It seems like I'm back to nothingness. Everything's the same. A fucking cycle. I dunno what to feel. What should I feel? This feels worse than being depressed. I'm neither happy nor sad. I simply feel...nothing. Seems like life is screwing me over again.

Dear Nanay, Napanood ko kanina ang pinaka Malungkot na episode ng iWItness. Tungkol po sa matatanda. Nay, sana hindi mo naramdaman kahit kailan yung pakiramdam ng mga Lolo at Lola don. Sana alam no na hindi ka namin iiwan at papabayaan. Kahit Alangan ka namin buong buhay namin ok Lang Nay. Nay...yung mga lolo at Lola daw don handa sila na mamamatay na sila, it isn't fair kasi ikaw Hindi pa. Hindi pa din ako ready na iwan mo. Ang daya mo Nay. Iniiwan mo ko habang tulog ako. Nay Hindi ako ready na iwan mo. Nay magdadalawang taon na, ang Sakit Sakit padin. Miss na miss na po kita...

Sexual harassment

That is so fucking mean. I don't think any of us have the right to judge the girl since we have no fucking idea on what really happened. I'm losing all hope in humanity. I dunno. People have become so fucked up.

Tearing up. I feel so bad for an acquaintance for losing her dad. I'm feel so sad coz I remember the feeling. I know what it's like to lose someone very dear to you. The pain, the helplessness. It kills you really.

INVALID. SARREH.

Alone is all I have.

My heart...

Take it. It's yours. You can keep it. I won't ask anything in return. I won't even ask for it back.

Who are you?!

People who have no idea on what I'm feeling seriously needs to shut up. You don't know anything so that alone makes your fucking opinion invalid.

How old is too old to have a blog? At what age are you supposed to delete? Am I totally fucked coz I'm 25 and still have an active blog?

Being alone amongst all these people, what am I supposed to feel? Nothing. I can't feel anything. Is that a bad thing?

Ok, this is weird. Maybe I really did like you, but that was years ago. So why am I like this? Why did that fucking upset me? Why did that fucking make me cry? It's only normal, you two are fucking together. I've always hated her. Wait, no, not 'hated'. I just don't really like her. I mean she's nice and all, but I really find her, uhm, annoying? Ugh! Why am I even thinking about you?







Maybe I just feel lonely.

I feel like I'm going nowhere. The one thing that I'm positive that I want to do, Ive no idea how to start. I want it so bad but I'm scared. How to do it, I've no idea. I want it but dont know how to get it. Me and my third-world problem.

If you tell me you feel the same, I promise I won't be scared. I won't run away. Not anymore. Not this time. I've rejected the few who were brave enough to tell me they like me and I've avoided those who've shown the slightest hint of liking me, but if you are the one to tell me I swear I'll be different. I'll let you in. But YOU have to be the one to tell me, coz I won't if you don't. That's just sad and pathetic, but that's the way things are, at least for me. I sure am one complicated human being. Le sigh.

A blog is a place where i can say things that I will never say in real life. It is where i vomit words when i'm hurt, pissed and what-not. A place where I say mean things that I don't really mean.

So, uhm, yea. I hope my family never finds this. haha.

Maybe if you've tickled my brain a little more i would've agreed. But no, you had to call me names.

"Walang kwenta"

I get that a lot from her. I shouldn't hurt anymore, right? But why does it, still?

Naisip ko lang. Does she ever regrets saying mean words to me? or does she even realize that what comes out of her mouth is mean and actually hurt my fucking feelings? I don't think so. Some parenting skills, huh.

What's wrong with wanting to stay at home? I honestly don't know what to do with my mom anymore. I'm 24 yo for crying out loud! Don't I have a say on what I want to do? I go out-she say something. I stay at home-she say something. Isn't Kuya a grown man??? Why do I have to accompany him to the mall, anyways? Pucha naman ang tanda na niya, a few years and he's turning 30! Can he still not do things by himself? Jeez! I don think I deserve to hear "walang kwenta" just because I refuse to go with him! Tangina naman! I am not going to fucking cry over this! I refuse to feel bad and sorry for myself. I'm the youngest and yet I'm expected to take care of my fucking Kuya. Why the fuck is that? It's not like he's got a fucking disability or something. And then on top of everything I'm getting blamed for not letting the fucking carpenter in. Tangina, had he knocked I'd easily let you in! But did he? Did he? No!! Then he goes here telling my mom how he was banging on the gate but no ones answering! I'm on the couch I could see the fucking gate from where I was sitting! Liar ang pucha!!! Tangina! I am not going to cry! What fucking happene to my seemingly perfect day? Ako na Lang lagi ang masami. Ako na Lang lagi. Ako...am I that fucking insignificant in this household? I stopped thinking that I'm better off dead a long time ago but right now I feel otherwise. Just because you tried aborting him a long time ago doesn't mean you'll have to make me compensate for everything too. I'm important too! I AM FUCKING IMPORTANT TOO!!!


No fucking depressant and still I feel so fucking depressed.

Now I'm addresses as "hoy". Salamat talaga ah. Salamat.

Why are my feelings always fucking ignored in this house? I am part of this family too aren't I? Am I? Am I? Am I that unimportant? That insignificant? Did I ever do something to deserve this kind of treatment? This over not accompanying your precious boy to the fucking mall?!!! I am not going to cry. I am not going to feel bad about this. Get a fucking hold of yourself!

Pero kasi, bakit lagi na Lang akong walang kwenta?

ayoko na dito. ayoko na dito. ayoko na.

bakit ganon? everything seem to be going the wrong way for me?

Nothingness kicks in. Again.

Been crying my eyes out for the past nights before bed. Exactly why I hate being alone with my thoughts. Exactly the reason why the first thing I do when I wake up is open the tv, to distract myself from me. Escape. If I leave me with me I'd self-destruct. Been wondering lately, how many valiums would it take? Will a whole pack do? Can valium even do it? I wonder if I'd be forgiven. I wonder if I'd go straight to hell for doing it. I wonder if someone will be proud of me for being strong and actually doing it. I wonder if they'd be like, 'At least she had the guts to do it.'. I wonder if I'd regret it after doing it, or would I even know I did it after doing it. I wonder if they'd be sad for me, or happy. I wonder if anyone'd cry. Will I be missed? Will they feel like they lost something forever or will it just be a passing thing for them? I'm pretty much a wuss, I can't do it. I don't know. Maybe I can. I guess if I decided that I can do it, you'll never know considering the fact that I won't be around to tell you. It scares me, honestly. My thoughts. Me. I'm scared that if i think too much about this I'd start challenging myself and just get on with it. But I probably won't. I don't know. I'm losing it, but I don't need to be saved. I've been through this before, I'll get through it again. I hope. What am I even saying. Fuck.

You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don’t recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble?

-Albus Dumbledore

Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth,
You owe Me.'

Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky

-Hafiz

words of wisdom from my dear cousin.

kung mahal mo talaga siya, ipagsuman mo.

taena, panalo. oo nga naman. sa hirap gumawa non para sa lalaki. eh kung pinagUbe ka pa, aba! sobrang mahal na mahal ka na non. haha!

'Nay, hello. How are you doing? Are you doin fine? I'm not. Let's meet each other again in my dreams tonight. I miss you. It's amazing how when on a night that i think of you and cry until i fall asleep, you always show up in my dreams. Makes me know that you really are just there, around, watching over us.

I miss you 'Nay. I really really do. And it's not helping that whenever i think about you, the image that enters my head is you on that hospital bed. No, not the smiling you. I feel like i haven't done anything for you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...

eating spaghetti.

feel like throwing up. err.

i just smelled flowers when there are no flowers around me. i dunno. maybe i'm just making something out of nothing. i mean, there are fake flowers beside me after all. meh.